Friday 5 August 2011

Your starter for 20

(The picture has nothing to do with what follows. It's just the latest of Sessha Batto's brilliant cover designs for my books - this one for the new Pfoxchase edition of The Darkness, which is available on Smashwords now. I'll write more about it soon.)

OK then, a little piece of anal retention this week. I’ve often spoken of how some writers don’t actually respect the tools of our trade. It’s OK to break grammatical and other linguistic rules AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. But far too many stories, not to mention newspaper articles by people (and their sub-editors) who should definitely know better, are littered with careless errors. Most respectable agents and reviewers stress the need to make sure your copy’s been thoroughly checked before you submit it. Sending stuff that’s grammatically crude, mis-spelled and the rest is the equivalent of submitting a manuscript with coffee stains on every other page.

But some errors occur so frequently that they somehow go unnoticed. That’s why I’m offering this as a wee game. I wrote the next paragraph to illustrate some of them. As (or if) you read it, you’ll sense how ugly it is but, rather than analyse its style, I’m suggesting you identify the mistakes. There are at least 20 of them. I say ‘at least’ because typos have a way of creeping through so there may still be more than I realise. If so, my preaching is worthless and I’ll be hoist with my own petard. I’m not expecting you to write long comments about what you’ve found but it would be nice to know that you’ve had a look at it. If anyone’s interested, I’ll identify them in a future blog. (Who said I can’t do cliff-hangers?) So here it is.

Health issues in humans have always been compared with animals in the wild and the balance between activity and reward, in the way of nutrition, is a vital part of the equation. It was those factors that’s behind the establishment of the fitness and health survey of January 2011. As a consequence of collecting data from various social groups on their eating habits and the amount of exercise they do each week, and taking age and other fitness-related factors into account. Researchers got a clearer picture of the overall population’s general attitudes to health. Less people said they feel satisfied with their skill sets and general fitness levels. The amount of middle-aged women joining health clubs has almost doubled and much of the current research projects are showing unexpected results. There’s less obesity and less sweets and chocolates on the average shopping list. If we keep on seeing that much more changes are being made, we’ll all need to look again at what we mean by ‘normal’. The leader of the research team, not being really sure of how effective their results would be in persuading groups and individuals in all the towns which had taken part in the survey to change their eating habits, were ready to repeat the process across a wider area. Her team was preparing to send out the questionnaires and, indeed, were already drawing up lists of target groups. The person that represented their sponsors was satisfied that the findings of the researchers were more reliable indicators of the current state of affairs than the leader of the town council and the sponsors themselves were convinced that their products would soon eliminate variations in obesity levels, age-related survival rates and increasing the use of health facilities by a wider range of people. Speaking at the launch of the report, it was obvious that their financial director was prepared to invest even more in the project. ‘Between you and I,’ he told the team leader, ‘I think it’s fair to assume that your contract will certainly be extended for another year and perhaps even beyond that.’ However, none of the team were surprised by his words. They knew they’d done a good job. The general consensus of opinion was that thorough preparations, careful cross-checking, and a meticulous observation of research etiquette always leads to client satisfaction.

(God, that was awful.)

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25 comments:

  1. Well as, you know, I'm not an educated person but I do recognise some of the errors in the passage to be more than mere typos but grammatically poor speakages (okay I made that word up) and that what should be considered like passive rather than active speak, if y'know what I mean, do ya'?
    Oh, seriously great and intimidating cover for The Darkness by the way, Bill!

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  2. My eyes started to cross before I got more than one sentence into the paragraph! *shudders*

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  3. Hi, Bill
    Cool a grammar exercise.

    those of animals
    that are (no period) small a
    Hmm, fewer people A few people?
    number of women, doubled, and many
    fewer sweets delete and chocolates (as chocolates are good for you, especially dark,num!)
    I'll stop there for now and give someone else a chance but I'll keep working on it.
    Missed you - I know you've been here. I've missed another Stanley and now Darkness! and Death Ship??

    You've been busy.

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  4. I lost the will to live after 2 sentences.

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  5. I like ‘speakages’, Janice. I may well steal it. And, despite the fact that, as you claim, you had absolutely no education whatsoever, I think your readers’ comments and the success of Bagpipes and Bullshot suggest that you do know a tiny bit about how to use language. And glad you like the cover. I think Sessha is a genius.

    Kira, my apologies. What passes for normal service here will soon be resumed.

    Hi Marley, good to have you back (I know, I know, the snowballs are very demanding). Good to see you were on form with your error-spotting, although I’m not sure deleting ‘and chocolates’ for the reasons you give counts as a grammatical correction. It may be true but only in the self-indulgent sense.
    Not sure what you mean about ‘another Stanley’. The poor thing is languishing in the washbasin at present, and has been for a while. I’ve been trying to get UK publishers interested in him but he’s obviously not interesting enough for them. It all contributes to his image of the world as a dreary, uncomprehending place and he likes being proved right. There are 8 stories so far and the moment a publisher bites, I’ll start writing more.

    Michael. Good, my plan worked.

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  6. Aww, I saw the other cup and thought maybe I needed to go to Amazon and pick up the second one. But I can get the Sparrow!!

    I definitely want to see the correct corrections. ;))

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  7. F. and I spent an hour analysing this text. Finding errors in a Dutch text is one thing, checking an English text is something else.We love to give it a try.
    Many sentences just felt odd.
    Also we think it should be:
    – Health issues in humans have always be compared with those of animals
    – It were those factors that were. (those - these? I'm not sure)
    – overall population’s general attitudes towards health
    – Fewer people said
    – The number of middle-aged women
    – Many of the current research projects
    – and there are fewer sweets and chocolates
    – many more changes
    – all the towns that had taken part in the survey
    – was already drawing up lists
    – Between you and me
    – none of the team (members?) was surprised
    – The general consensus was that thorough preparations, careful cross-checking, and a meticulous observation of research etiquette always lead to client satisfaction.

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  8. Interesting to have non-native speakers leading the way. Well spotted for most of them (but, as you know, you didn't get them all). You've actually added one error (It were) and you've made me wonder again about the difference between 'that' and 'which'. I don't think I've ever known when to use one or the other, so you may well have corrected a mistake I didn't know was there.

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  9. Interesting, it was those factors would be wrong in Dutch, as we would be following the plural of factors.
    As for that/which. I looked it up a while ago, and found for example this explanation: http://oxforddictionaries.com/page/grammartipthatorwhich
    I read another one with this example:
    The house has 5 rooms.
    I painted 3 of them: the rooms that I painted are very spacious, the other two are much smaller.
    I painted all of them: 'the rooms, which are painted, are all very spacious.
    Correct me if I'm wrong.

    Btw, I don't think it's a matter of education. I just love to figure out these kind of things,in Dutch too. And believe me, I make so many mistakes in my own language.

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  10. This might be a bit of a diviation from the above...But I was given this book, it is a memoir of an expat wife. called dimplomatic baggage or smth like that. Besides it being really bad, what shocked me the most was that the woman, knowing this will be in a book, published and read by people who can read, still did not check her words. wouldn't you be embarassed? She was using Russian words, and said Vanya, meaning Banya. ( a bath) One letter, and it is a different word. I thought honestly? how hard is it to just double-check? Just annoyed me.

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  11. What an exhausting exercise, Bill. I just re-wrote the damn thing. Whew!

    Health issues in humans have always been compared with animals in the wild. The balance between activity and reward, in the way of nutrition, is a vital part of the equation. It was those factors that were behind the establishment of the fitness and health survey of January 2011. As a consequence of collecting data from various social groups on their eating habits and the amount of exercise they do each week, age and other fitness-related factors were taken into account. Researchers got a clearer picture of the overall population’s general attitudes toward health. Less people said they feel satisfied with their skill sets and general fitness levels. The amount of middle-aged women joining health clubs has almost doubled, and much of the current research projects are showing unexpected results. There are less sweets and chocolates on the average shopping list. If we keep on seeing that more changes are being made, we’ll all need to look at what we mean by ‘normal’. The leader of the research team is not really sure of how effective their results would be in persuading groups and individuals, in all the towns which had taken part in the survey, to change their eating habits. They are ready to repeat the process across a wider area. Her team is preparing to send out the questionnaires and is already drawing up lists of target groups. The person that represented their sponsors was satisfied that the findings were more reliable indicators of the current state of affairs than was the leader of the town council. The sponsors themselves were convinced that their products would soon eliminate variations in obesity levels, age-related survival rates, and increase the use of health facilities by a wider range of people. Speaking at the launch of the report, it was obvious that their financial director was prepared to invest more into the project. ‘Between you and me,’ he told the team leader, ‘I think it’s fair to assume that your contract will certainly be extended for another year and perhaps even beyond that.’ However, none of the team was surprised by his words. They knew they had done a good job. The general consensus of opinion was that thorough preparations, careful cross-checking, and a meticulous observation of research etiquette lead to client satisfaction.

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  12. Thanks for the link, Anneke. It actually explains the that/which distinction very clearly. Incidentally, it also made me realize that I’d instinctively avoid using ‘that’ in precisely the examples they give, so maybe grammar is hard-wired into us.

    And I agree – this is a sort of game really – but the outcomes are important.

    A very familiar feeling, Scary, and one letter can make a huge difference. I think I may have mentioned this before but my best one was when I meant to type ‘baked beans’ and I hit the key beside the first b instead. Try it.

    Jackie, that was way beyond the call of duty. Your version is far better and I hope at least that you enjoyed doing it. You’ve certainly got rid of most of them, either by correcting them or rewriting the relevant sentences to make them make sense, but there were still 7 that got through. It shows how bloody difficult the whole thing is. But, as I said, I hope it’s still fun.

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  13. I'm eternally grateful for the efforts of my English teachers (although I wish I'd paid more attention at the time). The language is a wonderful vehicle for all manner of communications, and it exasperates me no end to think how many young minds aren't being properly trained in its use. This is a criminal waste of potential. More power to your elbow, Bill.

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  14. Noticed many of them, Bill, but I can't be bothered listing them. I know from experience how easy it is for one or two typos, or the wrongly used version of a word, to creep in no matter how many times a piece of work is edited!

    Great cover.

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  15. Donnie, I actually don't mind too much the aberrations of text-speak; some of it's quite inventive. But I agree that it's a pity that the beauties of rhythmic, well-modulated language - even the subtleties of inflexions - are being lost or ignored.

    I know, Rosemary, but the real problem arises when they're not just typos but wilful or careless misuses of language.

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  16. Great exercise and very thought-provoking, because as I think you said at the start - some of it simply doesn't FEEL right. I find bad grammar and sloppy spelling intensely irritating - but there are also some constructions which irritate me just as much even though they're perfectly correct. I can't bring myself to use 'couple' as a singular noun for example - as in 'the couple is going on honeymoon'. I'd rather say 'they are...'
    I love the cover too!

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  17. Thanks, Gilly, but don't get me started on 'correct' grammar which is so illogical or unclear that it's infuriating. 'Who are you going to see?' is 'wrong', but I think I'd be suspicious of anyone who said 'Whom are you going to see?'

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  18. Why would you be suspicious of anyone who said 'Whom are you going to see?' And what is the/a correct alternative.
    English is a wonderful language. Watching BBC television I'm always surprised about all the things you can put in bags.
    "Bags of flavour" (Food: Masterchef)
    "Bags of space" (Houses: Escape to the country)

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  19. Whom is the correct form but it's so little used that it sounds sort of posh or pretentious (but that's probably me revealing profound insecurities).
    You're right about filling bags with abstractions, we do it a lot - space, flavour, time, enthusiasm - they all come in bags.

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  20. I'm with you on the whom debate (heaven knows if that sentence is grammatically correct...) I also don't like the use of 'one' as in 'One prefers lacrosse to football'. 'None' is another tricky one - because if you use it correctly -eg 'none of the soldiers was hurt' - many people will actually think you're a numpty because it sounds wrong.
    Woops sorry Bill - I appear to have ignored your request not to get you started...

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  21. Music to my ears Gilly. Don't stop.

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  22. No, please go on. It's bags of fun, packed with entertainment and it ticks all the boxes.
    I'm serious, style, preferences, fashion in language, it's all very interesting.

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  23. I think we're probably in a minority, though, Anneke.

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  24. I got hung up in the first sentence with "compared with" instead of "compared to." This is a great exercise for a day when it doesn't hurt my brain so much to read!

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  25. Better avoid the latest one about paragraphs, then, Linda. You have too many writing and advising commitments to go about your business with a hurting brain.

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