I should have known better than to post the previous
offering, in which I was boasting about winning awards. Hubris is always
punished and yesterday came retribution via that man you all (unaccountably)
seem to like - my brother Ron. And what better way to convey the experience than by simply
pasting the email I sent to him when it happened. The relevant part of my note
to him went like this:
This morning, to put off getting
started on anything, I looked at an analytical thing that counts blog visits,
pageloads, and other stuff which I don’t understand. As a result of checking to
see whether I’m wasting my time writing the bloody thing, I found details of
each blog’s popularity and as I scanned down the figures, I was quite pleased
to see that some of my efforts attracted well over a hundred (although the vast
majority were in double figures – and mostly low ones at that). Then – oh
frabjous day etc. – the wonderful figure of 586 leapt off the page – but it was
bugger-all to do with me. It was your second contribution. Fair enough, I
thought, so I looked for your first one and, for the months of January/February
2010, I found the following sequence:
3 - 5 - 0 - 2 - 3 - 1 - 1 - 2428 -
3 - 1 - 1
That’s not a joke or a misprint. I’m
therefore the blogging equivalent of the singer of Pinball Wizard and
I owe a duty to ‘my’ readers to cajole you into raising my profile once more,
you lazy, popular bastard.
To his credit, he didn’t gloat but he did recognise the need to restore some of my credibility again simply by associating me vicariously with himself and he promised
that he’d give it some thought. Actually, it’s just occurred to me that those
elevated numbers were probably achieved by him visiting the blog to look at his
own contribution again and again and again. But I can’t afford to take chances
and so, rather than sign off as ‘Award-winning author Bill Kirton’, I’m happy
to acknowledge that the above was written by ‘The brother of Ron Kirton’.
I hesitated to suggest there might have been some repeat visits by 'you know who', pushing up the numbers. But that's just to make you feel better, Mr award-winning Kirton.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Rosemary. That's much more reassuring than a Facebook comment from my first-born which suggested that it was perhaps because I had no friends.
ReplyDeletePerhaps you could change your name to: Award Winning Bill Kirton?
ReplyDeleteIt does have a ring to it.
Nice one, John and, for a change, one I haven't heard before. I could change it to 'Ron Kirton' - that has the same ring, and it might work.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been just like this with William and Ron Shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteReally? So Ron Shakespeare was a lazy bugger, too, was he?
ReplyDeleteNever heard of him.
ReplyDeleteI usually need Neil Gaiman to up the numbers. Try him.
You will, bw. And I am not worthy to accost the sainted Neil.
ReplyDelete