Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Bloke who knew Questionnaire slightly when they were students together

The last revelations from my author friends at Pfoxmoor: Maria KuroshchepovaR B WoodGreta van der RolHeikki HietalaMichael PollackGev Sweeney and Sessha Batto.

Your fairy godmother grants you a wish. You can curl up in front of the fire with your favourite object. What is it? (NOTE. You can define `object’ in any way you like.)

(MK) Just one object? Can I make the object a collection? I mean - a corporation is like a person in some respects, so can an assembly of objects count as an object? Because that would include: two gigantic pillows, my favorite wrap, all my animals, including husband, and a stack of books. Oh, and there would be some chocolate and alcohol involved in there somewhere too.

(RBW) A legal document granting me full custody of my children.

(GvdR) I would like an object that would have me looking the way I did at age 30, thanks ever so.

(HH) I’d want a teleporter to be able to go see the M41 up close, pop out to anywhere in the world, and finally, back in time to see who killed Kennedy.

(MP) A metallic blue Kirsten Dunst comes to mind, but I’ll go with: my MacBook Pro.

(GS) I’d be curling up in front of that fire in the favourite overstuffed chair from the house where I grew up.

(SB) Only one?! It would have to be one of my swords . . . but I’d have to cut with them all first to make up my mind, decisions, decisions . . .

A beggar sitting on a blanket on the pavement (OK, sidewalk, if you insist), says as you pass, `Fortune has favoured you but looks less kindly on deprived and desperate beings such as myself. It would be a kindness if you were to redistribute some of your wealth to redress the balance between you and I’. What do you reply? (NOTE for grammar nerds like me – I deliberately chose ‘I’ instead of the correct ‘me’ to set up my own answer.)

(MK) I grab him and take him somewhere for a cup of soup, during which I figure out why he is a beggar and what we can do short- and long-term to get him out of this predicament. I know it sounds uber-corny, but seriously, that’s what I would do. Blame it on Chris Gardner (for those who don’t know - the author of “Pursuit of Happyness”).

(RBW) I would say: “I have no cash, but would like to take you for a hot meal and a long conversation” (paid for via credit card.)

(GvdR) I’m an author. I’m probably more deprived than you are.

(HH) I’m a fatalist in matters of the wallet.

(MP) Stop begging. Pick yourself up and find work. God helps those who help themselves, and that seems like a damned fine policy. If there truly is no way that you can find a job in America legally plying some skill or another, then I will help you as I can and ask others to do the same.

(GS) I have my own place on the pavement.

(SB) I’m terribly afraid you have me confused with someone else – after a career in the arts, believe me, I have not a penny to my name.

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1 comment:

  1. I believe this was my favorite of the questionnaires, Bill.